Blog has moved, redirecting you to the new blog...

Saturday, 18 June 2011

That was then ...

with apologies to Adam Mansbach 

You have a dewy, unblemished complexion
And I am an old crone.
All the more reason, my darling,
To leave my makeup the fuck alone.

Yours is a generous nature,
To a relaxed view of possessions are prone.
When it comes to my makeup, I am the opposite,
So leave it the fuck alone.

You don’t consider it stealing,
You think of it more like a loan.
But foundation, once borrowed, is hard to return.
Leave my stuff the fuck alone.

I love you, my darling, completely,
And at you I do hate to moan.
Give me a break, get your own bloody makeup
And leave mine the fuck alone.

You say you never have money,
Decent brands are too costly to own.
That’s what Maybelline and No 17 are for.
Leave my makeup the fuck alone.

I’ve bought you tons of it over the years
In the hope that you’ll stick to your own.
But when it’s all gone, you just tuck into mine.
Leave it the fuck alone.

I don't check your page on facebook,
I don't eavesdrop your calls on the phone.
I don't rummage through your private belongings
So please leave mine the fuck alone.

I’ve had to ask you so often
My voice, it’s beginning to drone.
For the last time, my darling, keep your sticky little paws out of my wardrobe.
Leave the fuck alone.




  1. Thanks very much Lucy *hides face with shame when talking to a real poet. xx

  2. Imogen is always stealing my rizlas as well

  3. Oh I LOVED this, every word rang true. Will send to beloved daughter, but don't think she'll get the joke....

  4. She's a one, isn't she, Anonymous. Sorry about that. Thanks Martina, thanks Sarah, glad you enjoyed it. Mansbach said he wrote his as catharsis, and I wrote this after a particularly annoying incident on the weekend. It did help.